


If There's a Will

by littlelotte



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Mentions of Madara, the lads talk about their problems during a thunderstorm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-03-01 18:06:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13300362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlelotte/pseuds/littlelotte
Summary: The fact that they can lay down together, enjoying each other’s company without words, is a constant. In a way, it almost hurts this time. Chiaki wanted the conversation to go further, to go somewhere, at the very least. He wants to talk, not just about right now, but about everything. The cycle has to be broken, one way or another; the longer he bites his tongue, the longer thunderstorms have time to stifle unspoken promises.A fic about Chiaki and Kanata coming to terms with their problems and trying to open up to each other about them, set some time after they graduate. Enjoy!





	If There's a Will

**Author's Note:**

> (quick note: the italic quotes in brackets are actual pieces from the Madara and Chiaki's phone conversation in the aquarium event!)

“Hey...Kanata?”

There’s a light humming, incredibly faint, but somehow audible among the crash of rain and rolling of thunder just above their heads. It’s a comforting sound—a constant amid chaos.

When he feels Kanata’s head turn, Chiaki tightens the embrace, but only slightly. If he hugs too tight, thing get too warm. Too warm for Kanata, anyway, and that isn’t something he can brush aside with a toothy grin. It isn’t like other things, and Kanata isn’t like other people. That, too, is constant.

“Hmm...Chiaki seemed like he had a ‘question’, so it is ‘concerning’ if he doesn’t ask it.”

Chiaki blinks, then winces as Kanata stops gently twirling his hair in favor of giving a sharp tug. “What are you ‘thinking’ about?”

“H-Hey, that hurt, you know? You shouldn’t just go pulling on people’s hair like that! Really, you’re pretty strong, so you could seriously rip somebody’s hair right out of their hea—”

“ _Chiaki_.”

“Aha, right, right. I’m being kind of silly right now, aren’t I?” Chiaki says, smiling weakly. It’s difficult to resist the urge to bury his face in the crook of Kanata’s neck and claim he’s exhausted from a long day of upholding justice, but he’s already one more diversion away from being chopped. If he pulled something like that, his boyfriend’s face would melt into a sulky frown and he’d puff out his cheeks like a _tetraodontidae_ (thanks to Kanata, he knows some of the scientific names for sea creatures now) _._

Kanata hums again, then starts idly drumming his fingers on top of Chiaki’s head. “You are ‘silly’ for thinking it is a ‘bad’ thing to talk about the things that ‘bother’ you. You have been oddly ‘quiet’ all night, when normally, you have ‘a lot’ to say. And besides, I know you aren’t ‘afraid’ of thunderstorms.”

There’s a particularly loud clap of thunder just then. Chiaki feels his shoulders tense.

“— _Are_ you afraid of thunderstorms?”

“Huh? No! That one was just loud, but I don’t usually mind them.” That explanation, in itself, isn’t entirely a lie. While it’s true unexpected bursts startle him every now and then, he’s not anywhere near as scared of them as he was when he was as kid. In a strange way, they’re almost comforting. Almost. Or at least, now they are, because for the past half an hour, he’s been able to count the seconds between flashes of lightning and peals of thunder. It’s sixteen seconds, almost constantly. That’s what it had been last time he took note of it, before he made the mistake of opening his mouth. Or, well, no, it wasn’t a mistake. He wants to hear from Kanata, whether that means disturbing the peace or otherwise.

“Actually, Kanata, it’s funny that you asked me what I was thinking about, because that’s kind of what I’ve been meaning to ask you,” Chiaki admits with a gulp, “That, and if you were feeling okay, because you haven’t talked much in a while either. I know you like the sound of the rain, and thunder doesn’t bother you too much, right? If it does, I’ll protect you from it, I swear! But also, yeah. You’ve just been quiet, and I was starting to worry.”

If facepalming hadn’t been ridiculous to anybody other than a cartoon character, Chiaki would probably have a fresh, distinctly hand-shaped mark on his forehead right about now. Willing away any lingering nervousness, he picks his head off of Kanata’s shoulder and looks up at him. Kanata simply stares back, his expression calm but the look in his eyes unreadable. In the absence of movement between them, Chiaki feels Kanata gingerly carding fingers through his hair again. Only this time, Kanata’s hand stops and stays just above the nape of Chiaki’s neck.

There’s another crash of thunder, and Chiaki forces himself to remain still. As if he’s somehow causing the storm, Madara’s words ring in tandem with the blast.

_[...It seems like you both find each other so important that you end up holding back from each other…]_

“I am ‘fine’, Chiaki,” Kanata begins, finally, _finally_ breaking the silence. “The ‘power’ went out. There isn’t much to do, and you said you wanted to ‘snuggle’, so I did not think there was much of a ‘reason’ to speak.”

Chiaki feels his cheeks heat up. “Th-That is what I said, isn’t it? You’re not wrong!” He gives a short laugh, but it ends up sounding somewhat labored. “But more than that, Kanata, I was wondering if you were doing okay, um, in general. We graduated pretty recently, and there’s a lot of big things coming up soon.” He stops briefly, collecting his thoughts. “And there’s a lot of things changing. You’ve always been the type to take things slowly and at your own pace, a lot like the tide, so I wanted to know if you were doing alright with all of that, too.”

Chiaki waits with bated breath as Kanata closes his eyes. After a few seconds, Kanata smiles.

“I am ‘okay’ right now.”

Chiaki closes his eyes, too. “Ah, is that so then? I’m glad. I’m glad to hear that.”

Another moment passes, followed by another crash, and Chiaki lays his head back down on his boyfriend’s shoulder. He’s humming again, and he’s started back up with twirling strands of Chiaki’s hair. _Boom._ Silence. The faint humming of an old Ryuseitai song. The feeling of Kanata’s heartbeat underneath Chiaki’s wrist. Everything has circled back to the way it was before they started talking.

The fact that they can lay down together, enjoying each other’s company without words, is a constant. In a way, it almost hurts this time. Chiaki wanted the conversation to go further, to go _somewhere_ , at the very least. He wants to talk, not just about right now, but about everything. The cycle has to be broken, one way or another; the longer he bites his tongue, the longer thunderstorms have time to stifle unspoken promises.

[... _But you know, it's fine to fight each other with all you've got every once in a while_...]

“Hey, Chiaki…”

[... _Diamonds only form under extreme pressure_ …]

“Chi-a-ki.”

“Wh-Wha—Oh! Sorry, did you need something? I’m here if you need to talk! Ask me anything, and I’ll support you by giving the best answer I can, so you don’t have to worry. I’m always here for you, Kanata, so please, rely on that!”

_Maybe_ he went a little overboard on that one. His voice rose about an octave too high, and Kanata’s giggling (which is extremely cute, but not exactly the response he wanted).

“You are very ‘charming’, you know...? Very much like the ‘superheroes’ we watch together in ‘tokusatsu’, but I tell you that all the time…” Kanata trails off, giggling again, but quieter this time. “But we did not ‘finish’ our conversation. Just before, you were staring off into ‘space’. You were looking frustrated, like a ‘jawfish’, so I want you to tell me what’s wrong.”

... _Oh_.

Chiaki blinks a few times, bewildered, then quickly shakes his head. “Huh? I’m okay, really. Just tired! Long rainstorms like this can make you feel kind of groggy, and all, so I’m sorry if I’m not as energetic as usual.”

It’s the best excuse he can come up with, and a fairly reasonable one at that, especially considering he’s not exactly a skilled liar. As a principle he prefers honesty, (even if it’s not always easy to be honest about _himself_ ) but going off on a tangent and rambling about whatever’s bothering him would only succeed in alienating Kanata further.

“Are you ‘sure’, Chiaki?” Kanata murmurs, his voice faint.

Chiaki doesn’t spend much time mulling it over. “Yep! I’m great. And besides, you’re here, too, so even if I wasn’t, being able to spend time with you like this would make things better. So don’t worry, Kanata. You don’t have to worry about me.”

He wants that to work. He wants to tear the focus off of him and turn it back on Kanata. He wants them to talk— _really_ talk. He wants to hear about Kanata’s fears, his insecurities, the things that make him so angry he can hardly think straight. Even if just a little, he wants to hear about his family, about his home, and why the thought of it all keeps him up so late. He wants to hear about the things that make Kanata feel like he’s drowning in the sea he loves so much. He wants to _help_. In any way he can, even if it’s just listening, he wants to help.

He’s about to add something else to that when a flash of lightning illuminates Kanata’s face, and Chiaki’s heart sinks. Instead of having his cheeks puffed out in protest, Kanata looks entirely crestfallen, concern replacing any irritation that might have been there previously.

_This is bad._ “W-Wait, did I say something wrong?” Chiaki stammers, scrambling to prop himself up on his elbows. “If there’s something wrong, please, tell me!”

Kanata shakes his head, removing his hand from Chiaki’s hair. “We are not very ‘good’ at this, are we?” The question is punctuated by a softer roll of thunder, as if the storm itself is desperately trying to hold its breath. “We keep ‘going in circles’, without ever really saying why we feel bad.” With a sad smile, he moves to cup Chiaki’s face in his hands. “But that’s no good. That will not ‘fix’ our problems, and we will only continue to feel ‘gloomy’.”

Chiaki stares back at him for a moment, searching, then shrugs, his shoulders sagging.

_Again, he’s not wrong_.

“And you, Chiaki. You have been trying to tell me something ‘all night’. You have been trying to ask me things, but every time you start to talk, it is like you ‘change’ what you’re really meaning to say to something ‘easier’ to answer. I don’t think it is ‘unfair’ to say you meant to ask me more than whether I am just ‘okay’ or not’. When I ask you the same, you say ‘nothing’ is the matter, but we both know that’s a lie.”

Chiaki quickly averts his gaze. “Kanata, I—”

“Shh, shh, let me finish. And please, ‘look’ at me. I want to be able to ‘see’ you.”

It’s difficult at first; his eyes are stinging, but somehow, he manages it.

One of Kanata’s thumbs starts periodically rubbing circles on Chiaki’s cheek. “But I am part of the ‘problem’ too. When you asked me questions, I did not give you very good answers, and I made you ‘worry’ more because of it. I did so because I thought you were ‘stressed out’ again, and I didn’t want to add to that. I didn’t want to see what I told you making you ‘more upset’ than you already were. ‘Heroes’ such as yourself are hardworking people, and at the end of the day, they need somebody to ‘rely on’ too, right? So I said nothing, but I realize now that, if I say nothing for that reason, it only makes us ‘both’ feel worse.”

There’s a certain heaviness in the room, and not just from the hot, thick air settling outside.

“We won’t do ourselves any ‘good’ by keeping everything locked away ‘inside’. If we say our thoughts into ‘bottles’, and send them out to sea, all we will do is ‘hurt’ the ocean,” Kanata tells him, his voice dropping to a low, sweet whisper, “So tell me, Chiaki. Tell me why you’re feeling sad. Do not be ‘afraid’ to ask me questions, no matter what they are. I want to know what you have to say, even if you think it is ‘hard’ to to talk about, and even if I may find it ‘hard’ to hear.”

The rolls of thunder have gotten gradually quieter; the rain, as if it’s gotten what it wanted, seems to be showing signs of stopping. Who knows? Maybe somewhere out there, Madara _was_ the one controlling the storm.

Chiaki gives a small, tired laugh and brings his hands up to lay them on top of Kanata’s. It’s only then he realizes a few stray tears had fallen. “You’re too good, aren’t you? You really are too good.”

Kanata uses his thumbs to playfully poke at Chiaki’s nose. “Mhm, and you are ‘the best’.”

“St-Stop it already. Honestly, I don’t think my heart can take it…” Even as he says that, he finds himself leaning into Kanata’s touch. “But you’re right, about everything. For somebody who runs around telling people to share how they feel and be themselves as often as I can, I still need to work on that kind of thing myself, don’t I?

Seemingly satisfied with that response, Kanata gives a light tug at Chiaki’s head, bringing him down onto the bed so that they’re both lying on their sides, facing one another. He pulls the comforter up and over their shoulders, then shuffles closer and loops his arms around Chiaki’s neck.

“I have said it before, Chiaki. If you are ‘yourself’, everyone will ‘love’ you just the same.”

Chiaki fixes his gaze on Kanata’s eyes. As always, they’re the warmest shade of green. “You too, you know.”

Kanata hums at that, then takes one of his hands and lightly pokes Chiaki’s nose again. “Yes, yes, now ‘talk’ to me.”

By all means, it’s kind of hard to argue with him. Wrapping his arms around his boyfriend’s sides, Chiaki pulls him closer. “Alright, alright, you win.”

He can do this. He can _do_ this.

“The thing is, well, yeah. I am stressed out. We didn’t graduate that long ago, and like I said before, there’s a lot going on. I’m still in the habit of calling you ‘Blue’ sometimes, but technically, we’re not really members of Ryuseitai anymore, are we?”

They both know it’s the truth. They’d be in denial if they didn’t, but it still hurts to bring it up. It hurts to acknowledge that kind of change.

“It’s kind of overwhelming for everything to change while it was only just starting to seem like I knew what I was doing. I mean, for as long as I’ve hollered about being a hero, I didn’t start _feeling_ like one until the very end, and now, there’s so many things that are uncertain. And no matter how hard I try to keep up? It feels like I can’t sometimes. Even now, I’m worried I’ll mess something up again.”

He doesn’t have to bring up his first and second years at Yumenosaki for Kanata to understand the significance of that statement.

“It just feels like everything’s happening all at once.”

In the end, maybe that’s why he’s been spending so much time looking for constants.

“And through all of that, I was worried about you, too, Kanata. It must be even more stressful for you than anything else, isn’t it? Graduating, dealing with the idol industry, and your...” He bites his lip, inhales sharply, and wills himself to keep eye-contact. “Your family. I won’t pry, of course. I won’t beg you to tell me everything, or anything at all if you’d be uncomfortable with it. I won’t deny that I want to listen to your thoughts on it, but at the same time, you probably haven’t told me very much about it for a reason, right?”

At this point he’s convinced that if this keeps up for much longer, he’ll start feeling dizzy.

[... _Diamonds only form under extreme pressure_ …]

Slowly, and seemingly without hesitation, Kanata presses their foreheads together. The thunder had stopped completely, fading out through thin rainfall. It has similar sound to it as somebody lightly drumming their fingers on something, maybe from impatience. Maybe it’s force of habit.

Kanata gently shakes his head. “After all of this ‘time’, Chiaki, do you still question whether or not you’re a ‘hero’?”

Chiaki balks, dumbfounded. It’s not what he expected, but he should know better by now than to think Kanata will always respond with the predictable. “It’s—it’s not that I don’t, you know. I mean, I like to think I’ve grown through my third year, and even now, I’d like to think I’m still growing. I guess I can say that there’s some days when I feel like I’ve become the hero I’ve dreamed of, and some days when I feel like I should still work on it a little more.”

He pauses for a moment, stumbling to find the words. “But I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to do better. Even for heroes, even for all the people I’ve looked up to in my life, I think it’s okay to want to improve. For yourself, and for everyone.”

Somewhere in the middle of that, Kanata began steadily running his fingers up and down Chiaki’s forearm. “I think you’re ‘hero’ no matter what kind of day you’re having.”

As if on some conversational que, the tone of the rain shifts again. This time, it’s like the winding of a music box.

“Ahaha, it...means a lot that you say that, Kanata. Really, you. You always talk about how I’m the warm one, but I think you’ve got plenty of that yourself.”

Hearing that, Kanata smiles, and a blush spreads across Chiaki’s cheeks.  

“Also, just because we are no longer members of ‘Ryuseitai’, that does not mean we can’t call each other ‘Blue’ and Red’. Yes, we did ‘graduate’, and yes, there are a lot of things happening that we feel like we were not ‘prepared’ for.” He gives Chiaki’s shoulder a soft pat. “But that does not mean ‘everything’ has to change. It is okay for some things to stay a ‘little bit’ of the same. Isn’t that right, ‘Red’?”

The use of the nickname makes Chiaki’s heart flutter in his chest. For the second time tonight, he feels like he could cry, but they’d be tears of relief if anything.

“I can’t argue with that, Blue.”

Kanata laughs softly. “Good, good. Chiaki’s ‘smiling’ again.”

Chiaki lets out a shaky breath. He won’t cry. He  _won't_ cry. “Even so, if you need to ignore what I asked about your family, I understand. Again, I know it’s a sensitive topic, and it’d go against a promise we made to talk extensively about it.” He bites his lip. “I just want you to know that I’m here for you, always. If you ever need to talk about it, I don't want you to hesitate." 

Kanata’s expression is, again, indecipherable. “To be ‘honest’, Chiaki, I was under the impression that you already ‘knew’ some of what was going on, but that you were ‘acting’ like you didn’t. I thought to myself, Chiaki isn’t the type of person who would ‘judge’ me for anything I told him about that, but at the same time, I did not want to ‘burden’ you with it directly.”

“You could never be a burden, Kanata,” he cuts in, his voice wavering with concern, “even if it’s the worst thing. Even if it’s the hardest thing to hear. If you want to talk, then I want to listen. It won’t ever be any trouble, and neither will you.”

As if finished winding, the rainfall shifts to a light drizzle. The mellow, intermittent tapping on the roof seems as though it has a vague rhythm to it.

It’s soothing. It’s constant.  

Without warning, Kanata tilts his head, and leans into a kiss, his hands cupping Chiaki’s face again. Really, by now, he should be used to this. Kissing isn’t exactly a new thing for them, but Chiaki still ends up sputtering awkwardly and fumbling with his hands trying to figure out where to put them.

Before he can work it out, Kanata abruptly breaks the kiss, pulls Chiaki’s head down into his chest, and envelops him in a tight embrace. Chiaki’s nose and cheeks are immediately met with the fuzzy fish characters decorating his boyfriend’s sweater, which are incredibly cute, and evidently, also distracting.

“H-Hey, Kanata! Why are you—!”

Kanata quickly shushes him, pressing a kiss to the top of Chiaki’s head. “You really are a ‘silly’ person, aren’t you? Really, ‘Red’, you’re the ‘silliest’ person in the world.”

Chiaki stutters, then laughs quietly, opting to wrap his arms around Kanata’s sides again. “I guess so, huh.” He closes his eyes. “But that makes you the second silliest person in the world then, doesn’t it?”

There’s a playful huff, then Kanata buries his face in Chiaki’s hair. “Yes, it does. I must really ‘love’ you.”

The blush spreads to his ears. “If it helps, I really love you, Blue.”

For a second there, Chiaki’s almost certain he heard Kanata sniffle.

“I ‘love’ you too,” Kanata murmurs, calmly carding his fingers through Chiaki’s hair again. “And I will ‘talk’ to you, Chiaki. I will tell you how I ‘feel’. I will tell you about my ‘family’, and what it means to be a ‘Shinkai’. I will tell you all that I can. Not all of it at once, and not right this second. But I will ‘start’ tonight.”

Somewhere in the far, far distance, thunder rolls.

“Is that okay, Chiaki?”

He decides to ignore it.

“It’s more than okay, Kanata. It’s perfect. Take as long as you need, and I’ll be here with you, every step of the way.”

He hears a soft sigh from above him, and Kanata kisses his hair again.

“So you ‘are’ then. So you are.”

The thunder is silent. The wind is silent. The rain, the tapping, the sound of branches scraping against window panes, all of it. It’s all waiting, watching, listening for Kanata to speak.

And so, he does.

**Author's Note:**

> Basically this is meant to be a comforting fic because it mostly consists of Chiaki and Kanata talking to each other about their problems, even though it's difficult especially at first for them to reach that point. I hope you guys enjoyed it! I really like working with these two characters and writing in general so this was fun/cathartic to work on!


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